


Grumpy Cat

by takiko



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Ghosts, Halloween, M/M, Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood Fluff, Summoning, Swearing, Talking Animals, Tired Alec Lightwood, a few bad words
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-20
Updated: 2018-10-20
Packaged: 2019-08-05 00:42:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,490
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16357319
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/takiko/pseuds/takiko
Summary: An overtired Alec, a grumpy ghost, the cat is in danger, and Magnus is being difficult.Who said Halloween isn't fun?





	Grumpy Cat

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the #SHHalloweenFic event on Twitter :)

”Hey! Get me out of here! This is a disgrace! Worst day ever and I’m saying this as a dead man. Who the hell are you anyway?” shouted a voice and yellow eyes zeroed in on him as soon as he entered the living room.

Alec felt the jacket he just shrugged off, fall out of his suddenly nerveless fingers. 

On the couch sat Chairman Meow, his little tail twitching, a look of irritation on his furry face. Nothing unusual. 

The gravelly voice of a man however, that came out of the tabby’s unmoving mouth, was a totally new addition. 

”Don’t just stand there, call the other one back! The whole mess is his fault anyway.”

Alec gaped. 

He is just overtired. Arguing for hours with the Clave representative sucked his brains out. And that awful wine Jace forced into him was way stronger, than he suspected. It got into his head.

Casting one more look at the offending animal (who for the time being stopped talking but continued glaring daggers at him), he was about to search for his lover, when Magnus strolled out of the lab.

Alec immediately knew he didn’t just dream the phenomenon in front of him. The few non-perfectly spiked hair strands and the slightly smudged make-up around Magnus’ eyes were telling a story of a different afternoon, but what really ringed the alarm bells in Alec’s head were his boyfriend’s warlock mark, fully on display. 

”The cat is talking,” blurted out Alec, blushing immediately, when he felt two pairs of golden eyes throwing disbelieving stares in his direction. Well, fuck! He is overtired, and the Chairman IS talking. It’s his prerogative to be damn confused.

”My observant Shadowhunter is home.” Magnus shook his head a little, but put on a smile and leaned in for a kiss. Alec was about to relax into it, when the raspy voice interrupted again.

”Don’t waste my time! You two can suck each other’s soul out after I’m back to my cozy little place in hell!”

”Your cat developed a dirty mouth,” commented Alec, sending one if HIS infamous scathing looks towards the nasty animal. ”I liked him way better, when he could only meow his complaints. What happened?”

”Did I mention earlier, that I expect a problematic client?” asked Magnus, and at Alec’s nod, continued. ”Well… I had one.”

”But how did your client ended up in the Chairman’s body?”

”Hah, no way! I would never hire anybody, who names his cat ’Chairman Meow’!” complained the voice angrily. ”This idiot warlock fell for the tricks of my old hag of a wife. Amateur.” 

”One more word, and when I send you back, it’ll be to a very particular corner of Hell,” retorted Magnus in a voice so dark, it even sent shivers down Alec’s spine. The little tabby hissed in a completely un-Chairman-like manner, but gracefully shut up.

”So his wife was your client?” blinked Alec trying to put together the events from the messy explanation.

”She was a pain in my ass for more than a month now, begging me to summon his dead husband–” Magnus inclined his head towards the cat”–so she can talk to him and say her goodbyes again. She paid me well, so I didn’t really ask for a back-story. I thought it’s going to be a simple summoning, after which I’ll never see the pair again, but try as I might, I just couldn’t succeed calling the husband’s ghost into this plain of reality. It was driving me nuts, especially after the third failed attempt. Imagine my frustration.”

”What about my frustration?” yelled the little cat, interrupting again. ”I was very happily dead, thank you very much, when someone tried to drag me back to that witch. I managed to resist the summoning three times, but this hardhead just couldn’t leave me alone!”

Alec raised an elegant eyebrow and cast a meaningful glance at his boyfriend. He was exceptionally good at meaningful glances. 

”Fine! I knew it wasn’t a good idea, but Alexander!” Magnus whined in misery. ”THREE failed attempts! The High Warlock of Brooklyn can’t fail at a summoning. I had to think of my reputation. Halloween was my best chance.”

Alec shook his head fondly, walked behind his stubborn spouse and started to massage his shoulders. The warlock all but melted under his fingers.

”Do you want me to help you find a solution, High Warlock of Proudness?” he asked gently.

”First rule of summoning: never call a ghost, if you don’t know how to put it back.” Magnus slid out from underneath his fingers to stand in front of him, his expression serious again. ”I knew how to drag him out from the beginning, but… the Chairman’s mind isn’t built to withstand the added presence of a human’s and the process is quite violent. I’ve spent the better half of the afternoon trying to find a safe solution, with no success.”

„But a ghost jumping into an animal? Isn’t there some kind of a natural rule against this?”

”Angry spirits instinctively tend to attach themselves to that living being, whose personality traits are the closest to theirs. That way, they can take control over the mind much-much easier.”

Alec swallowed a smile. ”So… the grumpy husband attached himself to the grumpy cat?” 

”You should thank the angels for your busy night, otherwise we’d have a much bigger problem on our hands, Alexander. He could have decided to attach himself to a grumpy Shadowhunter instead,” smiled Magnus sweetly, than furrowed his brows, and his face turned into an expression Alec recognized instantly. ”Alexander…”

”Don’t even THINK about it!”

”But, honey! It’ll be over before you know it! I can’t believe I didn’t realize, how simple the solution is,” Magnus said pleading, reaching for his hand.

Alec stepped out of his reach, and gave him a glare he usually reserved only for demons. Or Clary. 

”So. In review, I had an absolute shit day at work today–”

”That wasn’t my fault!”

”–and I came through the door, hoping to cuddle my boyfriend to death, but I found a talking cat instead–”

”You can still cuddle me, when this is all over!”

”–and when I offered to help, said boyfriend suggested I share so much personality traits with a lunatic, who’d rather be dead, than talk to his wife for a few minutes, that he wouldn’t mind if I switched places with him.”

”I never said that!” shouted Magnus exasperatedly, looking at him with those beautiful cat eyes like a kicked baby animal, but Alec FELT like one, so he crossed him arms across his chest, scowling angrily. 

They never noticed when the little tabby jumped from his place on the couch, and went to stand in front of the Shadowhunter, placing one of his soft paws on his left feet. 

”You want to put that disgusting ghost in MY body, and expect me to be happy about it?”

”It’ll only take a second! The Chairman’s delicate mind can be destroyed if I pull the ghost out of him, but for a human, it’s a completely harmless process. If we let the ghost jump into you on his own, the Chairman will survive, and I’ll put our grumpy guest back to where he belongs in a few seconds. It’s a win-win.”

”No, I’ll be traumatized for the rest of my li…”

Magnus startled as his lover’s furious tirade stopped in mid-sentence, his frame shuddering violently. When he saw the Chairman, a little white blur, disappearing through the kitchen door MEOWING loudly, recognition started creeping into his mind, but as he looked into his Alexander’s eyes, he KNEW right away. 

”Well, this is certainly an improvement” said ’Alec’ in a voice, Magnus never wanted to hear ever again, especially coming from that sexy mouth.

Mumbling latin words under his nose, he raised his hands, channeling his magic, sending a sparkling blue beam, which struck his lover across the chest. An almost unrecognizable blur tore itself from the tall body, taking the form of an old man for a second, before dissolving into nothing. 

But Magnus didn’t care, because he had his hands full with a disoriented, swaying Shadowhunter, whose gorgeous hazel eyes were blurry and confused, but most definitely HIS. He guided him to the couch, and let Alec unceremoniously collapse into a heap.

”I hate you so much,” mumbled the love of his life into the soft cushion.

”I love you too, darling. Your grumpiness is unmistakable,” he said, and turning the other’s face gently, peppered his mouth with kisses. 

Meanwhile…

Still a little disoriented by slowly fading human thoughts, the Chairman slowly crawled out from under the kitchen table, with a very palpable desire to use his master’s favorite antique table as a scratching post. Or snuck into the bedroom, when those moaning sounds are starting. Oh, yes, they HATE that! 

A tasty fish-dish could persuade him otherwise. 

Maybe.

**Author's Note:**

> The ideas in the fic about the rules of summoning a ghost are all mine.   
> No cat was harmed in the making of this story.   
> And for the record: a revengeful Chairman IS revengeful, so after the fish-dish, he went into the bedroom anyway :D


End file.
